DISCLAIMER: The Feminine Energy blog series was primarily written for women who are on the journey of learning to love themselves unconditionally and want to truly reclaim their power. This is NOT promoting the idea that the key to happiness is only found in relationships. However, for the women who DO desire male partnerships (and for those who are IN relationships but want to reclaim some of that initial "spark"), I will share what I have learned about the importance of exuding your natural feminine energy to attract (or to KEEP) the type of man who will add value to your journey. I am primarily speaking to African American women because our experience in the dating/relationship world is unique, however women of all backgrounds can find value in this material. For the purpose of these blogs, the quick and dirty definition of a Masculine Man is one who embraces his natural energy to protect, provide, and maintain the woman in his life. He is the man who does not look to his woman to provide for him, to become his "surrogate mother" or to be a part of his concubine. ***Some future blog content may singe your eyebrows so...viewer discretion is always advised.
What IS Feminine Energy?
Feminine energy is your natural essence. You already possess it, so breathe a quick sign of relief because this isn't something you need to buy, incorporate from someone else, or will need to "fake 'til you make it." As women, we have a natural inclination to relax in the presence of a strong, masculine man who has our best interests at heart and allow him to take the lead. In the age of the Independent Woman, words like "submissive" are taboo and often taken out of context but believe it or not, our nature is to be submissive to the men in our lives. (Yep, I said it. OUT LOUD). But please don't get it twisted: submissive does NOT equate to doormat. It simply means that you feel comfortable allowing your natural feminine energy to radiate and allow the man you trust to do his job of protecting, maintaining, and providing for you. You were BORN with this energy and probably tapped into it a great deal more as a child than you do as an adult for several reasons that we will discuss in this article.
African-American women are synonymous with the "Strong Black Woman" narrative. Being self-sufficient, independent, out-spoken, and powerful are all incredible traits for any woman to have, but when that is ALL we are perceived as, it causes a problem for us to be considered as women who desire (and DESERVE) the care and comfort of a truly masculine man. A great deal of us are raising our families (or have done so in the past) without the help of their fathers, along with working full-time jobs, juggling budgets, kids' schedules and our own lives, causing us to develop an "I can do it all by myself and I don't really need a man for anything" type of mentality.
As children, we were comfortable relying on others to help and guide us. And if we were raised with our fathers, he was likely the larger-than-life figure that we expressed our fear to without hesitation because we knew he would protect us from anything that would bring us harm. When he came around, we sat back happily, knowing that Daddy could do ANYTHING. But as adults, we are fed the story of how important it is for African American women to never depend on anyone but ourselves, that most men aren't worth the time, and not to expect a man to do something for you that you can do yourself; which is all counterproductive to securing a man who recognizes and exhibits his natural masculine energy.
Again, I STRESS that being self-reliant is key to the survival of any human being, but if you are a woman who desires a masculine man (and not a FEMININE one***), you will have to find a way to tap into your feminine energy while maintaining the level of independence that you rightfully earned.
I know some women are already shaking their heads saying, “Why is it always about what the man wants?” Or “Shouldn’t he be worried about what he will do make me feel that he is truly masculine and wants to prove he's worth me following him ANYWHERE??”
And to those questions and others like them, the answer is an absolute and clearly defined: YES.
YES, the man should be doing HIS part to show you that he is truly a masculine man with a masculine mindset of placing the care and maintenance of the woman in his life at the forefront of his mind.
But in the midst of you proclaiming that you “can do it all yourself” or how “you don’t need a man to do anything for you” and that “you make your own money” and “everything you own, YOU bought it," for a TRUE man whose nature is to protect and provide for you, where is he supposed to understand how he fits into your already well-oiled machine?
Here's where feminine energy comes into play. You ready?
You meet a man that you have deemed worthy to be in your presence and have decided to accept his request for a date. (NOTE: The date request is a hint that he may actually be a masculine man. If he called you on the phone instead of texting, asked for an in-person date instead of sliding into your DMs for convo, and did not look at your purse when the bill came, there's potential here, Ladies) During your encounter he has been a complete gentleman, he was consistently attentive, he maintained eye contact throughout the conversation,he periodically checked on you to see if you needed your drink refreshed, etc.
Use of your feminine energy in this situation would be: showing genuine interest in what he is saying so that he knows you have his undivided attention. Leaning in and placing a hand on his arm to establish soft contact while you're talking to let him know you're interested. If he says something funny, LAUGH! Men love feeling appreciated and if they believe they have a unique knack for something, they will definitely want to show it off to the woman who catches their interest. Ask him questions about his life and things that matter to him, and be an active listener. Let him open the door for you, pull out your chair, and guide you when you walk out. Release the desire to take control and just relax and let him BE THE MAN.
This may seem like obvious things to do on a date, but let me show you how this could go down for the strong, independent, masculine woman (who by the way is legitimately interested in her date):
While he's telling you things to help you get to know him better, you break in with an attempt to impress him and begin to talk about your powerful position in the workplace, how your job consumes a great deal of your time and you were barely able to make it to the date between your responsibilities, the kids, and other important obligations. Then you may go on to talk about all of your accomplishments, goals, and 5 year plan. When it's time to leave, you offer to pay your half of the bill before exiting the table without looking back (assuming he's behind you), open the restaurant door and hold it open for him, and wave goodbye as you head out to walk to your car alone because after all, you do that all the time anyway, right?
Now please, don't take this the wrong way. I'm not trying to come for anybody. But can you see how in this situation a masculine man would be left dumb-founded after that date, thinking:
"Man, this woman does EVERYTHING. What exactly would she need from ME?"
Tapping into your feminine energy will require you to "unlearn" some beliefs you may have subconsciously come to accept. For instance, the badge of honor associated with being a strong woman doesn't just come from doing everything on your own. You can be a strong woman taking care of business and still allow the masculine man you've met or are in a relationship be who he is by nature: A MAN. And because this works with the natural flow of our respective energies, this actually works in YOUR favor and makes life a WHOLE lot easier on many levels.
Example: Beyonce regularly calls herself "Mrs. Carter", encourages her fans to say, "Heyyyyy, Mrs. Carter," and even named one of her world-wide tours the "Mrs. Carter Tour." If a powerful woman like Beyonce can relinquish the need keep her name at the forefront and allows Jay-Z to be the man by reminding the WORLD that while she is still the Queen B she revels in the title of Mrs. Carter, this is proof that using your feminine energy does not take away your power in any way, shape, or form.
Let go of the need to orchestrate everything with a man just because you have to do that in other areas of your life. Release any desire to remind men that you don't really need them or that you're just allowing them to be there for the moment. It goes without saying that the woman holds all the cards when it comes to if a man's approach will be successful or not, so there's no need to emasculate the guy out of the gate, or even at all. Sit back and watch what he does and resist the urge to jump in. If he's truly a masculine, capable man, he will not let you jump in anyway. A masculine man is used to being the Alpha male. He assesses a situation, always keeping in mind your safety and comfort, and prepares himself to ensure that you have a good time in and will be happy in his presence. He will be immediately turned off by the woman who tries to do what he's wired to do NATURALLY and will head off in the direction of the woman who is willing to let him be himself.
Here's some quick and dirty tips on exuding your feminine energy in the presence of a masculine man:
Let him feel NEEDED. Let him feel LOVED. Let him feel WANTED. Let him HELP YOU. Let him GUIDE YOU. Let him LOVE YOU. Let him know he is NECESSARY in your life. Let him be a MAN.
***Stay tuned for Part 2 in the Feminine Energy Series: The Feminine Man - How to Spot Him, and How to Avoid Him Like the Plague.