"I really need to lose some weight."
"I am having the WORST hair day."
"I wish I were taller, thinner, had bigger boobs, more money or (insert the request)."
How many times have you started the day with a self-defeating thought instead of affirming your worth?
Most of us are our own worst critics, but years of internal criticism can lead to a deterioration of your self-esteem and your ability to understand that you ARE enough in every situation.
You have to be very careful of the conversations you have with yourself in your mind. These conversations are going on all day everyday, from the moment you wake up to playing themselves out subconsciously in your dreams.
In an effort to look, feel, and be our best, the natural instinct is to seek out our perceived flaws and correct them to achieve our own version of "perfection." But the key to feeling good about yourself is to focus on what you LOVE about yourself right NOW and to celebrate those traits. The more you think of what is so wonderful about you (and there are ENDLESS things you have to chose from), the more you will begin to generate positive thoughts about yourself effortlessly on a daily basis.
Contrary to popular belief, achieving a healthy level of self-esteem has absolutely nothing to do with how well you are admired and loved by others. In fact, even if you are the most sought-after and desired person on the planet, if you do not feel that you are worthy of the praise, none of the lavish attention will ever matter.
Loving yourself and never doubting that you are enough comes from within and here are 5 easy steps you can take today to put yourself on the right track to loving who you are right now in THIS moment:
1. Tell yourself at least 3 things you like about yourself EVERY DAY
The benefits from doing this will literally change your entire perspective on how you view yourself. Since we are automatically wired to look for our faults, making a conscious effort to recognize what you actually LIKE about yourself will not only give you an instant feeling of euphoria and confidence, but as you become more comfortable with this exercise, it becomes easier to understand and believe that there are many more positive things about yourself to focus on than any perceived negative traits.
2. Stop comparing yourself to others
This is one of the most self-defeating activities you could ever engage in. It's a fact that the only person you can ever be in this life is yourself, so why would you ever compare yourself to something that you could never be? Measuring your life, who you are, what you look like, and what you feel you are capable of doing to another person is like an apple trying to be an orange. Instead, focus on YOU, being the best you that YOU can be, and take comfort in the knowledge that you are the only person in this vast universe who can do you the way you were born to do it. You possess unique traits, characteristics, and talents that are encoded in your DNA and can never be duplicated by another soul. If you must compare yourself, only compare who you were yesterday to who you are today and improve upon that from within YOURSELF, not based on what another person is doing at the moment.
3. Be your own romantic interest
Even if you have a significant other, and especially if you don't, treat yourself to things that make you happy and feel loved. Buy yourself your favorite flowers, take yourself to your favorite restaurant or exotic destination. Spend quality time with YOURSELF, and pay attention to how doing this makes you feel. Taking care of yourself and giving yourself the things you love and need to make you happy is one of the highest forms of self-love. Our happiness and self-worth can never come from another person. It starts with SELF and anyone who sees how much you love yourself can only fall in line with the example you have set. Your mate (or future mate) already has the blueprint of how you should be treated to maintain the level of happiness, self-love, and peace that you have already created.
4. Silence your inner critic for GOOD
You are human, so naturally you will have good days and bad days. But since you ALWAYS have complete control over your mind and what you think, you can choose what type of thoughts you will have when you're having a no-so good feeling moment. When you are having a self-defeating thought about yourself, immediately counteract the thought with an opposite POSITIVE one. For instance, say you are wearing a dress that really brings out your skin color and makes you glow, but you're not 100% comfortable with your body in the dress. An inner thought like: "I really wish I didn't look so fat in this dress" can be replaced with "This color looks FABULOUS on me!" It is all about reaching for a BETTER FEELING THOUGHT, in every situation. This doesn't mean that what you don't like magically goes away, it just means that you are removing your focus from what you DON'T like which after time and effort, permanently removes it from your consciousness.
5. Don't point out your "flaws" to others - they didn't notice it until YOU said it!
Misery definitely loves company, and discussing what you would like to change about yourself with your friends and how you plan to go about "fixing" these perceived imperfections may feel comforting at the moment, but it's actually doing more damage than good. What you give energy to GROWS, whether that energy is good or bad, so instead of making sure everyone knows what you think is wrong with you, why not celebrate what you know to be RIGHT about yourself? Sometimes our own self-perception is a bit warped because of the impulse to fix what is "wrong", but others usually see us in very different, and often more positive light. Discussing what you think is a deficiency may bring negative things to the attention of others who had never noticed them in the first place, and can lead to conversations that do absolutely nothing positive for your psyche. Keep the focus on your most endearing qualities and traits, so that if you are speaking of yourself in a group setting, you leave the group with a positive impression of who you are, since this is definitely a more accurate example of the real you anyway. :-)
Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself with the same loving care that you would give to a small, helpless child. You would nurture that child, protect him, say kind things to him to make him smile, and make him feel loved so that he would be happy. Try giving yourself that same tenderness and affection, and watch how easy it becomes to recognize your worth and to love yourself every day without fail.